Long Distance Relationship Vs. Work Friends?
I just moved to LA, where I have tons of new work friends asking me to go clubbing or drinking ALL the time. The thing is, I was never really a part of the club scene in college, and I’m also engaged to a wonderful man who lives in Boston, where we went to college together.
My friends know I’m in a long-term serious relationship, but NONE of them are in relationships as serious as mine, so I think they don’t really understand– in fact they mostly just have short hookups or date multiple people. I’m totally fine with their choices, but we’re all the same age (23-25) and I don’t want to look like the old lady. I admit that I never told my new buds I was engaged- it always seemed really out of place to tell them.
I don’t really enjoy drinking– it’s too expensive and I only really like to go to bars when my fiance is also there. I definitely don’t like clubbing, especially when I’m there and appear to be a single girl. I’d much rather go to coffee shops or art museums or performances, or stay in and cook or watch sports.
How do I turn down my friends’ invites to go out clubbing and drinking? It seems like their only mode of hanging out, ever. Most days after work I just want to go back to my apartment and talk to my fiance on Skype. But I see these friends at work ALL the time– they really are my only friends here, and I want to hang out with them without being a bummer on the party. I don’t want to be the girl that everyone thinks is boring or never gets invited to hang out… Heaven knows I’m already feeling lonely enough being long distance with my fiance. What should I do?
Why don’t you go with them to a club, and then suggest a different outing, something more to your tastes, the next time?
I’m sure you could handle one night of music and dancing. You don’t need to drink.
Find something that interests you that you think they would enjoy, too. A museum, trip to the zoo (who doesn’t love the zoo?), or have them over and all cook dinner together and watch a movie. To be honest, some people don’t even think to do other things because clubbing is just what they’ve always done. They might welcome a change.
Just be open to compromise and new ideas, and I think they will, too.
Good luck.
Tell them that you don’t enjoy those things, but let them know that you do want to spend time with them, and invite them to do the things that you like to do.
Just say no. Or find some friends who dont think clubbing and drinking etc are the only thing in life
The ring on your finger should be telling them!
Just tell them you are engaged and feel like you should not be hitting the singles-joints.
If you go to them and keep going, eventually you will end up crushing on someone else and that combined with your LDR will mean DoA. It may even be someone you work with which means you will not be able to easily avoid them.
How long are you two going to be apart like this?
It will eventually wreak the relationship.
Don’t do anything that you are not comfortable with. You don’t have to change your standards just because you feel as if you are being a party pooper. If you go and you don’t enjoy it, then chances are, you are going to be the party pooper. You should probably go ahead and tell your friends that you are engaged. They will understand a little better that you are committed and don’t really want to be in that type of atmosphere.
There has to be some things that you can do with your friends besides going and hanging out at parties. How about inviting one or a few of them to go to the movies with you for a girls day out, or to a coffee shop, shopping or other things that you enjoy. These things sound relaxing and fun also, and not so high strung. Believe it or not, even party animals like to do something different and soothing sometimes.
well who more important, your fiance who you say you love and love getting home and talking to him on Skype, or Your friends from your work who maybe in a year won’t be your friends… If you start going to the clubs,and your feeling lonely, it will end up a bad thing…but if you find friends that might want to hang out at the movies, shopping, watch sports, you know the things you like to do, find those kind of friends..and you know what let everyone know about your fiance told hide him, be proud of what you have in your life!!! There got to be someone around where you live or work that is not like your other friends with short hookup or dating multiple people those are the one I would hang with if I had a great Man in my life! He would be the First person on my mind! I would not trade him in for no one… once you find that special person you never let them go for a hookup, no one is worth that loss you will have with a great guy in your life!!!